Tell Me How You Feel

“Tell me how you really feel” or “just talk to me” are phrases that many of us hear more than once— whether in our personal or professional lives.

We naturally tend to bottle things up or not fully disclose what is going on in our life. This can create a barrier that can prevent us from growing in our jobs or relationships or prevent us from experiencing general happiness. So why is effective communication such a huge obstacle for most people? Why can’t we just say what is on our minds in a clear and thoughtful manner?

Fear is one of the more common reasons we do not communicate. Maybe you fear being judged for what is on your mind or fear sounding foolish. Maybe you worry that what you are trying to say is not going to be well-received. Most of the time, the things we worry about do not come to fruition.

What are some things we can take into consideration when we communicate? Most experts say that 70-93% of communication is non-verbal. According to Verywell Mind, there are 9 types of non-verbal communication:

Facial Expressions: When we think of facial expressions, we think of looking angry, happy or sad. Facial expressions can display many other feelings, such as apathy, nervousness, or confusion. When you speak, it is best to match the manner of the audience you are speaking with. Conversely, if you are dealing with an angry person, try to remain calm so that your manner may be matched.

Gestures: Gestures can be used in all sorts of ways; happiness, sadness, anger— all these emotions can come with gestures. Depending on your culture or background, you may have different ways you communicate using your hands, such as pointing your fingers. While your intentions may be harmless, others may not perceive them that way. You may come across as angry or frustrated with the person you are speaking to. As hard as it may be, it can be a good idea to minimize the use of hand gestures to prevent miscommunication.

Body Language and Posture: When you are talking with someone, how often do you cross your arms or legs? Sometimes crossing your arms can be perceived by others to express that you are disinterested in the conversation.

Proxemics (i.e. personal space)- We all know someone who talks way too close. Talking too close to someone can make people uncomfortable. Give others a reasonable distance from yourself but avoid being too far away to show them that you are not uncomfortable talking with them.

Eye Contact- Looking directly at someone when you are speaking to them can help engage them and show interest. Looking down at the ground can be perceived to express discomfort, or even boredom.

Haptics (also known as touch)- When meeting someone for the first time or greeting them, a firm handshake can show confidence in yourself and respect for others. Placing your hand on someone’s shoulder can express compassion or sympathy.

Appearance- Have you ever heard the term “dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? Your appearance may signal something to others before you even speak. Being well-dressed and well-groomed not only shows confidence but also gives the other party the impression that you are professional.

Artifacts- When wearing items such as jewelry or other accessories, be mindful that these represent to others what is important to you.

As we examine non-verbal and verbal communication cues, what is another aspect of communication we should discuss? Confidence!

Having confidence can help you speak more effectively and can open more doors in your life and career. When speaking with a colleague, it is important to remember that they are human and may have some of the same fears as you. One tool that can help you display confidence when speaking is taking a deep breath beforehand. Maybe you have a presentation to give; before you begin, try taking a deep breath to calm your nerves.

So now, tell me how you really feel. What’s on your mind? Don’t hold back. Stay in touch with your feelings and what your body is telling you. Listen to others, speak clearly, disseminate your information.

Conversations are made so much easier when we are all honest and open with each other. So many times, our verbal and non-verbal communication gets lost in translation, leaving it open for interpretation.

We don’t know what we are not told. Who knows? Maybe the person you are talking with feels the same way. Communication can be hard, but so many interactions can be positive!

So, do not be afraid when someone says, “tell me how you feel”.